Da Sex Talk
by Trausti
Summary: All parents have to face it sometime and all parents dread the moment... See how some will handle it as well as they can while others try to get away from The Talk... Multiple pairings... Series of one-shots... ;P
1. Chapter 1

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**A/N : Hello XD**

**I'm just putting this note here because I want to get paring ideas from you guys...**

**And if you want to have some plot that you think is cool I would love to hear it...**

**And if I get one pair more than ones and different plots with them then I'll probably make one-shots with both plots or place the plot in the same story...**

**I'm open for any pairings so fire away...**

**And as always I'd love to hear from you about each story...**

**On to the first one-shot...**

**Enjoy...**

**Luv Ya... ;P**

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	2. Gaara & Sakura

**Gaara & Sakura**

The Kazekage was sitting behind his desk finishing the last of his paperwork when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." He called without looking up from what he was writing. "Daddy, daddy, mommy says I'm supposed to ask you." Came the voice of a beautiful 5 years old girl with red hair and emerald eyes. "Oh and what are you supposed to ask me?" Gaara asked smiling as he caught his daughter when she jumped him.

She squirmed in his lap and turned to face him with an adorable smile on her face making her father smile back. "Where do babies come from?" Gaara's smile fell as soon as he heard the question. "Mommy said that you were the one that was supposed to tell me ´cause you know better than her." The small girl said making her father curse his wife for blocking his way out of this.

"Well sweetie babies come from your moms' tummy." Gaara said pleased with himself for getting out of this without embarrassment. "Oh, but how do they get in there?" His daughter then asked. Gaara sometimes hated how smart his kid was.

"Well you see honey, when a man and a woman love each other very much they make a baby." Gaara said somewhat lamely. The small girl nodded and then asked the question Gaara had hoped she would forget. "How?" Gaara bit his lip thinking how he would explain it to her with as little words as possible and then he had an idea.

"Here let me show you." He said and made his sand float in front of them and make little images showing how babies were made. When the little show was over the little girl was smiling and jumped of her fathers lap running out yelling something about telling mommy that she knew.

Gaara was very pleased with himself for getting out of this conversation that is until he heard his wife yell. "GAARA!" And soon he was looking in the eyes of the only woman that could make him shiver in fear.

"Yes Sakura?" He knew he was screwed and not even his Kage title could safe him from the wrath of the pinkette.


	3. Naruto & Hinata

**Naruto & Hinata**

There are just some things you do not talk about at the breakfast table. Especially if your last name is Uzumaki and your father loves to see his in-laws suffer.

"Mommy?" A small brunette boy said over the table he was sitting at with his parents and grandparents along with some other relatives. "Yes honey what is it?" His mother Hinata said placing her fork down to look at her eight year old boy.

"I was wondering." The boy continued. "How do babies really get in your tummy?" Everything went quiet at the table as they stared at the young boy, Neji was the first one to break the awkward silence. "I think you're not old enough to know that just yet Tachi." The youngster pouted at that and turned to his father who seemed to be trying very hard not to burst out laughing.

"Ne, Neji you really think so I think he's old enough." Naruto said smirking and turning to his oldest son. "Ok look if any thing is confusing just tell me." Tachi nodded smiling once more, glad that he could finally get Hana off his back for not knowing the truth about babies.

The rest of the occupants at the table were flabbergast that Naruto was just going to tell the child right now at breakfast at that. Hiashi coughed in his hand trying to get the blonds attention but failing for Naruto started to explain the process to his son.

"You see when people love each other they have sex and to do that they get naked and role around in bed for some time and then seed goes in to the moms tummy and there it changes in to a baby over the next nine months." All at the table were shocked, even Hinata who was as red as a tomato but they were even more shocked when Tachi just said. "I don't get it, how does it get in the tummy?"

And before anyone could stop Naruto he picked up a doughnut and a knife showing how it was done and explaining it as he did. When the show was over the brunette smiled widely and stood up. "Where are you going?" Hinata managed to choke out as he started to run off.

Tachi turned around his smile even wider as he called. "To tell Hana that now I know to!" He ran out of the door but as soon as the word sunk in Neji and Tenten both jumped up.

"Tachi get back here!" They both yelled afraid that they might be to late to save their daughters innocent mind. Naruto chuckled and took a bite of the show and tell doughnut before saying. "So I'm guessing that you haven't told her yet?" As an answer he got two worried parents running out after the eight year old yelling for him to stop.

"They'll never catch him in time he's a fast little bugger." Naruto said oblivious to the looks he was receiving from the other guests at the table.

When he looked up he held out the last doughnut and asked innocently. "You mind if I take the last one?"

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**A/N : Hi... Review please and tell me what the next pairings should be... I'm open for anything and I most likely will have to use some of the girls twice 'cause I want to do most if not all of the guys in the stories... Would love it if you came up with a plot too even if I can think of them by my self it's just fun to see what you would like to read... Hope you liked it... ;P**


	4. Neji & Tenten

**Neji & Tenten**

The two parents ran as fast as they could but even as they did so they caught Naruto's last words. "They'll never catch him in time he's a fast little bugger."

That only made them go faster to where their daughter was supposed to be playing with Hinabi after they had both finished dinner before the rest of them. But when they reached the door they saw it was too late 'cause Tachi was at that moment doing the show and tell his father had done only minute ago.

Hana was wide eyed as she watched him and when she noticed her parents in the door way she stood up and approached them. Neji panicked a little, not wanting to talk about this with his only child, so he turned to Tenten and said the first thing that popped in to his mind.

"You're her mother so it's your destiny to tell her." And before Tenten could argue he was gone in a puff of smoke leaving her alone with the two kids.

"Mommy, is Tachi telling the truth?" Hana asked with an innocent voice making Tenten a bit nervous. "Eh, well, yeah." Was the intelligent answer that came out of her mouth at the time making her want to do a face palm. If she was nervous now it doubled when Hana asked the next question.

"Dose it hurt when it happens?" Tenten glanced at Tachi who was listening to every word that came out of her mouth much like her daughter was doing. "Tachi, you go and find Hinabi and tell her to go take the ice out of the fridge and the fruits as well." Tenten couldn't think of anything else to say so the boy would leave. Thankfully it worked as Tachi ran out of the door to find his aunt.

"Sweetie, do you really want to know about this right now, you know that when you get older I can still tell you?" Hana just shook her head at her mothers lame attempts to get out of this.

"No I want to know now." She said stubbornly just like her mother used to do when she was younger and wanted something.

"Ok, how can I put it." Tenten though about it for a while before coming up with a good idea that would hopefully keep her girl away from boys in that aria for a few more years after puberty in the future.

"The truth is that it hurts like hell, it's like someone is ripping you open with a dull knife." Hana shivered at that and said to her mothers delight. "I'm never going to do that." She then seemed to think about it for a while and then asked. "But if it hurts then why do you have babies?"

Tenten just placed a hand over her shoulders and led her out to the dining aria. "You'll find out when you're older, promise."

When Tenten was sitting next to her husband at the dining table she hissed in his ear so no one but him could hear. "Next time you're going to have the talk, not me." Neji just smiled at her and gave her a kiss.

If it was up to him there wouldn't be a next time, one baby was enough and now he knew that he wouldn't be able to get away from the talk if there would be another child.

Oh how wrong he was in his hopes.

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**A/N : Hi... Wow it feels like ages sins I updated last time... Anyway... Hope you liked it and I'll try to update soon but I can't promise nothing there is a lot going on right now in my life... Funny though I got a pairing that I'm not so sure I even can do 'cause I know nothing about one of them but I'll try regardless... Two more things... The pairings do not only have to be of the Konoha twelve and the sand siblings but also the senseisand other known characters... I'll be updating a new story tomorrow (if I remember) and it'll be a canon fic... Love you if you read it and stuff... Review please... ;P**


	5. Shikamaru & Temari

**Shikamaru & Temari**

It was a quiet day at the Nara household, a rare thing with three kids and a loud mouth wife. Shikamaru was enjoying his little time of from it all that is until he heard his eldest daughter and her twin brother ask his wife a serious question.

"Mom, how are babies made?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened as he heard that and he sat up from the garden he had been laying in a moment ago only to hear Temari answer his kids. "Well it's hard to explain but... you see... you kind of... well..."

That made the lazy ninja smile, Temari could be a loud mouth and a bit straight to the point kind of person but when faced with something like this she usually didn't know what words to use making her hesitate or stutter.

Laying back down thinking he was safe for the time begin from that talk he heard some rummaging and a triumph call.

"Here it is, now how do you start this thing?" He listened as his wife fumbled with their TV set he guesses, she never learned how to use it after he brought it home two years ago.

"Shika can you come in here for a minute, I need you to help me start the video I'm showing the kids." The lazy genius stood up and walked inside the house spotting his wife and his two six year old children all sitting in the couch.

Piking up one of the remotes he clicked a button making everything start at once. "Honey it's not that hard to learn how to push a button." He sighed sitting down next to his daughter, a spitting image of him. He didn't get a reply for all of them was focused on the TV, looking at it himself he almost chocked on his own spit.

His wife was teaching them about making babies by using some porn video she had insisted on buying years before the kids where born. "Temari, what are you doing?!" He was shocked to say the least but when he was about to turn it of his wife smacked his hand away.

"What better way to teach them?" Shikamaru just shook his head, god only knows why he loved this woman, oh yeah, he was a masochist.

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**A/N : Hehe... Hope you like it... Oh and by the way I actually can imagine Temari doing something like that... Still open for pairings... Come on people surprise me ! ! ! ... Oh and as always please review... ;P**


	6. Kankuro & Ino

**Kankuro & Ino**

"Kankuro, get up here now!"

The scream echoed throughthe large house startling a purple faced puppeteer as he was sitting down in front of the TV. "Coming." He called back while making his way up the stairs to see what his beloved wife wanted. When he walked in to the room the scream had came from he was surprised by the seen.

There in his work room stood Ino with her hands on her hips glaring at their two sons who were sitting on the floor next to each other. "What's going on?" Kankuro asked as soon as he saw that two of his favorite puppets, Karasu and Kuroari, were lying ina very awkward position.

"I just walked in on YOUR sons playing doctor with YOUR puppets." Ino said pointing at the two seven year old boys. Kankuro didn't know what to say to that so he kept quiet while looking between the boys and the puppets on the floor.

"You do know that they're both guys right?" Was the only thing he could come up with addressing his kids.

Ino was speechless for a few moments before stomping up to him and hitting him over the head and hissing in his ear. "You get to tell them about the birds and the bees." And before Kankuor could respond she was out of the room and down in the kitchen.

Sighing Kankuro sat down in front of his sons letting his hand rest on his hand supporting it. "So what do you know about this?" He asked waiving his hand to the two puppets.

The twins looked at each other smirking. "We know that to have babies..." The one on the right started. "You have to have sex." The one on the left finished.

Kankuro nodded at that glancing at the puppets before asking. "And do you know what sex is, how the baby starts out in the stomach and how you really have sex?" Both boy shook their heads while looking wide eyes at their father waiting for him to fill them in on those details.

"Well..." Kankuro said shooting chakra strings out of his fingers and moving the puppets staring his explanations with much details.

A half an hour later Ino walked in to the room announcingthat dinner was ready, what she saw both amused her and angered her. Both her boys were clinging to each other their eyes wide and looking between their father and the puppets he was placing on top of his work desk with a smirk.

"Eh... What exactly did you tell them Kankuro?" She asked walking further in. The only time Haru and Taku acted like this was when they had been yelled at by her or when their father had told them something really disturbing and sins she knew Kankuro was supposed to tell them about babies and stuff like that she had to wonder what exactly he had said and how he had said it.

"Oh nothing much I just showed them how to do everything right." Kankuro said turning around to face his now furious wife.

'Oh god now I know how Gaara felt after Sakura found out how he did it.' Kankuro thought before frantically running to his window and jumping out, trying to get as far away from his yelling wife as he could and he could only hope that she wouldn't take her anger out on his puppets.

Ino could be really scary when her pregnancy hormones kicked in.

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**A/N : Hehe... I have to say that I thought this one came out nicely... Usually I think about to plot and stuff but now I just started writing and this came to be... Pore Kankuro but that's what he gets for using no tact in this and begin married to Ino must be scary... Now there will be a lot of random pairings sins I have all the girls in at least one story... I still want suggestions from you guys... I have seven Sakura X ??? so it would be nice if you'd come up with something for the other girls and try to surprise me... The one that manges to make the most ridiculous pairing will get a cookey from me... Review please... ;P**


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